


Apocalypse Not Now

by PlainTiger



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse, Explicit Language, Gen, Inspired by Mad Max Series (Movies), Raider!Dan, Some Humor, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25714987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlainTiger/pseuds/PlainTiger
Summary: Driving, shooting, searching. These three skills were the ones Dan was most proficient at and the ones that kept him alive since childhood. They were needed the most here, in the endless deserts of the dying Earth.
Relationships: Lando Norris & Daniel Ricciardo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Apocalypse Not Now

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Апокалипсис не сегодня](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25688635) by [PlainTiger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PlainTiger/pseuds/PlainTiger). 



Driving, shooting, searching. These three skills were the ones Dan was most proficient at and the ones that kept him alive since childhood. They were needed the most here, in the endless deserts of the dying Earth. Driving his trusty ’Mad Max’ through vast expanses of land as fast as he could. Shooting mutants and other mindless beasts that were once human beings, to defend himself. Searching in every corner to survive, and to live, if he was especially lucky.

As of now, even surviving was difficult. Canned food had been saving the world even after its end. The water was a different story, though, with the most experienced raiders sometimes losing their lives in search of it. Dan’s flasks were emptying, and he risked following the same path.

His ’Max’ was swimming in the hot sands, with no signs of sentient life in the vicinity. The nearest town was six hours away from him, and there was enough fuel only for two: Dan had traded the canister for coordinates that weren’t even precise. He swore that if he didn’t find anything there, he would turn that man into a barbecue. The engine was sneezing dust, and the interior was hot enough to literally start burning Dan’s ass. He was ready to give up and succumb to the inevitable, the thought that was promptly stopped by the sound coming from the speakers. A faint SOS signal, barely breaking through the white noise. It seemed like that guy hadn’t lied after all.

Dan went at full throttle, holding the steering wheel as if his hands were glued to it. ’Max’ took off like a wild cheetah in chase of the sound. The closer Dan was to its source, the louder the weep became, and soon he caught a glimpse of a large metal door. He pulled up to it and started looking in search of anything that could be of interest. The paint had almost peeled off over the years, yet the metal was as good as new, even if a bit dusty. Dan was genuinely surprised not to find a group of other raiders fighting for the vault while setting up a transmitter to its frequency.

‘Is anyone there alive?’ he asked after a small cough. One second. Two. Five. Nothing. ‘Hello?’

‘Fuck!’ the transmitter responded in male, although a bit too high, voice. ‘There’s nobody here, go away!’

‘Hey mate, where are your parents? Maybe you should call them over?’ Dan asked. The guy was clearly the only one inside, which meant that he would be easy to convince.

‘Ha-ha, I’m dying of laughter, ha-ha,’ he said. ‘Who the hell are you? One of these raiders?’

‘Just an adventure seeker, seeking adventures up my ass. Heard you’re in a bit of trouble?’

‘No, we’re fine, we’re just fine, now be a good raider and get out of here!’

‘Wait, what about the SOS?’

At first, the vault guy said nothing, but then he answered, ‘I... pressed the wrong button! Yeah! Mixed them up, no big deal, everyone does that. No need to save me, really.’

Dan let out a smile. ‘You know, people usually save their lives _in_ a vault, not _from_ it. Anyway, got any water?’

The voice behind the door calmed down a bit. ‘Got some, but not for you.’

‘And if I ask again? How about a box of canned beef for two litres of water?’

‘No.’

‘Some crisps?’

‘No!’

‘A pack of dried milk?’

The guy fell silent. Dan was about to offer him the tastiest thing in this post-apocalyptic world — croc jerky — but he was first to whisper, ‘You _are_ armed, aren’t you?’

Dan looked around to find his shotgun resting on his back and machete sheathed, as always. ‘Can’t go anywhere without ’em.’

‘Promise you won’t fuck with me?’

Dan chuckled. ‘Don’t worry, you won’t be of much use dead.’

‘Fine, but if you ever-’

‘C’mon, open up!’

Dan stood at the door for a couple of minutes listening to the guy swearing on the other side of the transmitter, when finally it started opening with a screech, revealing the vault owner’s skinny body.

‘Whoa, so that’s how inferno feels like.’ He squeezed his eyes shut, covering the face with his hand, and then began staring at him once they adjusted to the outside light.

‘Latest fashion, by the way,’ Dan grinned. His armour, made of rags, metal plates and spikes and topped with a skull of a small crocodile, was enough to turn away the bullets, as well as living beings. He had always thought of it as a piece of art, coming second only to ’Max’ in a similar style. It also looked much more interesting than the worn grey hoodie the guy was dressed in.

‘What’s your name, mate?’

‘Lando, Lando Norris,’ the vault owner answered, his voice still shaking a bit.

‘I’m Daniel, but everyone calls me Dan. Don’t be shy, I don’t bite’ — Dan held out his hand with a smile and Lando shook it cautiously — ‘Now, this one is Max. Hey, Max, say hello to Lando!’

’Max’ made no sound at all. Nevertheless, Dan climbed into the car, started the engine and drove it into the vault.

‘So that’s what raiders look like, I guess,’ Lando replied with a surprised whistle while staring at ’Max’. ‘Is that true you lot eat human flesh?’

Dan started laughing. ‘The flesh of the nosiest ones, yeah.’

Lando swallowed nervously and made a chuckle.

‘Relax, we don’t eat people, only a few roasted cockroaches if things get really bad,’ Dan said, and, surprisingly, Lando indeed relaxed. ‘Well, those of us that haven’t gone nuts, at least.’

Before Lando had filled his head with the next batch of paranoia, Dan asked, ‘What’s the deal with the water?’

‘Ah, yeah, well, there’s a tap with filtered water, you can drink it, wash in it, whatever. But first’ — Lando reached out his hand — ‘Give me the milk and the beef.’

‘You better ask him,’ Dan said, nodding towards ’Max’. ‘Careful there, I don’t wanna clean off your guts if you blow up’.

Dan entered the living room while Lando was rummaging in the truck. The walls were covered with abstract figures, top to bottom, in all colours. These walls were much more vibrant than Dan used to see in the vaults, yet there was something else that also drew his attention: a large TV set with a car-like bunch of pixels on the screen, covered by the ’Pause’ caption. A videogame, one of the few remaining artefacts of the old world.

‘Hey!’ Dan shouted and covered his ears as the echo came back louder than he had thought. ‘What’s this game?’

‘Huh?’ Lando’s voice came through the tunnels. ‘Oh, that’s ’Formula 1′! That game is wicked, try it!’

Without much thought, Dan sat on the sofa, took a gamepad and resumed the race. As soon as he pressed the button, the pixel car took off at the speed of light through the pixel track, with hundreds of pixel spectators watching the show. At first, he was taking a bit too many shortcuts, which was pissing him off, but in the end, he managed to finish in the first place.

‘Yeah, suck my balls, you stupid polygons!’ Dan screamed at the top of his lungs as he saw the results and then found his hands empty.

‘Wait, so I’ve been trying to win this race for hours, and then you come here and finish first?’ Lando stood right in front of Dan, covering the screen and staring at him as if he was some kind of a mutant.

‘Yeah, so what? I do that all the time in real life, and here no-one’s even trying to kill you! Easy-peasy!’

Lando scratched his head with the gamepad and sat near Dan, pointing his finger at the console. ‘When I first found the vault, this beauty was just lying there, all dusty, barely working. Then dug through the trash and found a game. This game, as if it wasn’t enough.’

‘Enough?’

Lando sighed and started a new race. ‘When I was a kid, I read a lot of journals, and some of them had these photos from Formula 1. Back then I thought, “when I grow up, I wanna be a racing driver, my car will be the fastest in the world, I will be so, so happy!” And then mom and dad said, “son, there is no Formula 1 anymore. Nothing at all. Maybe won’t be any time soon.”’

‘Yeah, I know the feeling, I was the same,’ Dan said, watching Lando’s car going around a corner. ‘You know, I kinda follow my dream now. It’s almost like a real race, only that sometimes you have mutants breaking through windows, cannibals trying to eat you while you’re asleep, and someone stealing food. It’s fun, really.’

‘Hey,’ Lando paused the game. ‘Do you have any extra seats in your car?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Honestly, I’m sick of being in this vault. Too safe, too fucking boring. Your lifestyle suits me more, I think.’

Dan smiled. ‘Well, I’ve got a seat, if you’re not afraid to die on the first day.’

‘Nah, it’s much better than starving to death on your own.’

Dan gave it a quick thought and said, ‘Alright, you’re a good one, could use your help.’

Lando was beyond happy, his face lit with joy as he heard the words.

‘One thing,’ Dan added. ‘I’ll sleep over here tonight after the shower. Deal?’

‘Who am I to say no?’ Lando pushed Dan in a playful manner and run off to the kitchen, holding onto a pack of dried milk.

Dan had finally made a living friend. At least, for a while.

**Author's Note:**

> Might become a multichaptered work, or it might not.  
> Please feel free to point out any mistakes!


End file.
